Miss Invisible: Cordelia's Story

"It's a little too much for me to handle right now." His voice was flat. Void of emotion. Like he did not care.

"Please don't do this." Hers was the exact opposite. It was quivering.

"It's for our own good. Particularly yours. You're freaking out over nothing, and refusing to calm down. It would be best if we cooled down a little."

"No, you don't understand -"

"I do get it. You're insecure. You're paranoid. I get it all."

"Babe, I'm really not used to this. This whole open relationship thing. No boyfriend has ever behaved in this way before. Naturally I'll feel a little edgy now. It just takes a while."

"A little edgy? Geez, little is an understatement!"

Cordelia felt like he had stabbed her with a blunt butter knife. She wanted to agree with him, and just stop going crazy over his little actions and friendships with other girls. But she knew that he was crossing the line. She had seen how close they were. Even despite his claims that they were "just friends" she knew for sure that there was something more. And now that she was trying to confront him about it, he was trying to break away. Twist his words and fuck up her mind. He was real smart and she couldn't do anything about it.

"Look," he said after a long silence, "I need to go. I have to get up early tomorrow. You definitely need the rest too. Just lie down, read a book, listen to some music, whatever. Stop freaking out. You'll realise that everything you're going mad about is for nothing."

"Babe.."

"Good night, Cordelia." And then there was a click. Followed by that strong surge in her heart. The painful, body-numbing surge that made her want to scream out and beat her fists against the wall. This was insane! He couldn't just hang up on her like that. Not after he had tried to "decide" how she felt. He had no right. No right at all.

She had to leave. This was no good. It was no point trying to stay with someone who denounced the truth and made her feel stupid about it. She hated how he made her feel so bounded, so helpless. It was not right. No man should ever let her feel this way.

She threw open her journal and started to vent. The tears came fast and gushing as she screeched out her emotions all over the blank page. Big, bold, and pressing words that left marks on the next few pages. Little drops fell onto the page, smudging each hurt expression and pooling into greyish-black marks.

Twenty minutes later she threw her pen down, panting and exhausted after all that emotional word vomit. She felt better, slightly. But she knew she could not let herself give in. She re-read her entry, the entry before that, and many ones before too, so that she knew her complaints were consistent and concise enough for a valid break up.

She would switch off her phone. Change her number. Delete and block him off her messenger lists and networking accounts. She understood her own weakness and that was his words. If he started crooning once again in a few days time, he would have her back. It must not be so, this time, she growled to herself fiercely.

She had been weak before. Now it was time to be strong.